Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Conspiracy Theories in Polyamorous Relationships

There is always the fear, in polyamory, that your partners and metamors are plotting against you. I have proof that this is happening to me, from our holiday game of Ticket to Ride.

Me: "Wait, wait. That's a grey route."
Andrew: "Yes."
Me: "But you played an orange card."
Hanna: "You can play any cards to build grey routes."
Me: "And you didn't think this was something that I needed to know?"

I'm not saying I would have won (Hanna played a bravura game, completing a long route across the north of the map after which we couldn't touch her), but I might have been in contention for second if I'd not been saving black cards to make grey routes, assuming that the black routes were dark green and mistaking the green cards for yellow.

I'm just saying, right, that you can't spell conspiracy without piracy, and they can still hang you for that.

Monday, 3 August 2015

So very British

Hanna: What do we do!?
It was one of those situations, you know? We were having breakfast at Chiquito's, the service was slow as the chef was late in arriving, and the order was off, so the manager said: "It's on the house."


I'm not prepared for this. I don't know what to do. I'd struggle to complain if I were truly hacked off at them, but drop a free meal on me for a few minor inconveniences (the meal was still very good) and I'm lost. Hanna was no better. I was sweating; she started to hyperventilate as the manager asked if we wanted anything else; all on the house.

Order food that we know we don't need to pay for? That's... That's like inviting us to steal, isn't it? I don't think we could have asked for anything else if we'd wanted it.

And how do you leave? You can't ask for a bill, so what's your procedure. We just had no experience to help us deal with this.

We are so goddamn British.